Most Hilarious religious Jokes
The newly ordained priest!
A young priest, very anxious and having been incapable to say a word in his first sermon, asked the archbishop for an advice so that he would be ready for the next Sunday. The archbishop advised him to put few drops of vodka in a large glass of water in order to be more relaxed. The next Sunday the young priest was feeling so great that he could have talked anywhere about anything. Back to the sacristy he found a letter left by the archbishop saying: my son, next time, put some drops of vodka in a large glass of water instead of few drops of water in the vodka and I will also share with you some observations I made so that what happened today will never ever happen again!
- There is absolutely no need to put a slice of lime on the chalice.
- Avoid leaning on the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary and please also avoid hugging her and kissing her.
- There are 10 commandments, not 12.
- The apostles were 12, not 7 and none of them was a dwarf.
- We don’t talk about Jesus Christ and his apostles as ‘The late J.C and co’
- When we talk about Judas we don’t refer to him as ‘this son of a B**** ‘
- You do not call the pope ‘the godfather’
- Bin laden doesn’t have anything to do with the death of Jesus.
- Holy water is used to bless not to refresh your neck.
- Never sit on the stairs of the altar during the mass.
- The hosts are not snacks to eat along with the mass wine.
- The initiative to call believers to dance was good but not to be dancing around the church.
- The man sitting near the altar whom you referred to as ‘gay’ and ‘the drag queen in a skirt’ was me.
Sincerely, the Archbishop
